Learning from Death

The grief is fresh. It washes over me in waves. I’ve already tried to distract myself, but can’t — and shouldn’t. The cycles of grief are cyclical, and move between sheer pain and a nostalgic laughter. When it’s fresh, it happens faster and swings higher.

I didn’t know when I woke up. I knew it was today, but I didn’t know what would happen. I couldn’t know. I just knew I was ready for whatever today was.

Two weeks ago or so, Meghan had called calmly — with a very suspicious calm for a known panick-er — that something had…

Eight Billion Experiments

Photo by Bryan Goff on Unsplash

We learn by doing. We do things, almost at random, until we find something interesting. When we find something interesting, we increase our focus on it until it seems chaotic. When the chaos reveals order within itself, we move to the next level. We learn more. Our skills improve. It’s natural and intuitive. A child has no purpose in their experimentation — it’s for the sheer joy and excitement of learning.

It’s evolution. It’s life. It finds a way. It doesn’t have biases. It finds biases. It doesn’t follow trends. It sets the trends.

We are limited in the number…

Re-redefining Fundamentalism

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

The term fundamentalism evokes within me something of a Make America Great Again feeling. It’s not a happy feeling — but the words themselves taken out of context are innocent. There’s nothing inherently wrong with making America great again — though that statement brings with it a steam-powered train full of questions. In a similar fashion, there’s nothing inherently wrong about focusing on fundamentals (and in this context, I’m specifically talking about the Christian religion)— in fact, there’s a lot to be said for it. …

Rooting Out Christian Nationalism

Few people reject the teachings of Jesus Christ. It’s just those Christians acting like the worst people that muck it all, right? That’s just what we call human nature, and it turns out, you don’t need to be a Christian to be that way.

A picture from one of my darkest times

Christianity was dying. I thought it was dead. After leaving Christianity, I learned the value of death and destruction — it’s always what brings forth healing and new life.

The process is intertwined and interdependent, fundamentally connected — the healing and new life could not be catalyzed without the suffering. Without the suffering, there would not…

Each year seemed worst than last, starting perhaps…2012? That proves the Mayans were right. It wasn’t quite the end of the world — it was just the end of a time. The end of an era. The end of life as we once knew it.

I don’t even believe things necessarily are going downhill, even though I intuit it to be true in my bones. Declinism is a real phenomenon. …

A Lament for Labor, Trapped in a Web

Photo by Michael Anfang on Unsplash

Modern Work

Do without trying

Study without learning

Work for no reward

Seek and do not find

Help with no goodness

Live with no recognition

Exist only in existence

This is the end striving

Get real with a mental health professional.

Photo by Michael Anfang on Unsplash. My startup is for chickens, so pictures are relevant, I swear!

Too Many Problems, Too Many Feelings

I am a failure as a founder. No — I’ve gone to therapy. I know how to phrase this…I feel like a failure as a founder.

My startup was progressing, but too slowly. Everything was taking so long. Was bootstrapping the wrong choice? I’d lost my only employee, failed to get face time with investors, failed to deliver prototypes on time, and, quite frankly, had no idea what direction to take things. I’m certain there was a pathway, somewhere, but I was so deep in the funk I was unable to see a clear path. It had all come so…

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

One basic truth. Simple, yet elusive. You may spend your entire life pursuing it, but the more it’s pursued, the faster it slips away.

The deeper we look into the smallest of things, the more things shrink away. When a molecule is torn apart, it reveals atoms. When we fix our eyes on the atom, the universe explodes into a shower of quarks, photons, gluons, with no doubt of ever more fundamental particles and forces lurking just out of sight. We fire giant energy canons at invisible particles just for a chance at finding something smaller. …

Michael Anfang

synthesizing buckminster fuller and alan watts

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